The internet busts daily with tips on how to catch your man cheating yet few to state what our precious African men want. A quick internet search of what men want from women reveals a combination of ideas, opinions and wishes from men of all races – except of course African men. Maybe it’s because no one ever bothered to ask them. Or maybe it’s because they have been
lumped in with all other black men by those assuming that no cultural differences exist between them. Or maybe it’s because African men are generally known to shy away from openly discussing their emotional needs. It is somehow also assumed that African women know what African men want
in a relationship. And, maybe we do. But times have changed, things have changed, and so have our expectations of each other
when it comes to relationship
Those who care to admit it will make known the fact that dating African men can be quite complex for women who do not know their
way around the complications
of these gentle – yet firm, protective – yet defensive, peace loving – yet forceful souls.
Dating them, of course, has its myths, half-truths and truths, but once women are able to wrap their minds and emotions around
the many unspoken rules that come with dating African men, the two can live together in perfect unity.
To set African men apart from all other black
men, and to clear the air of any confusion, on Truth Tuesday we seek to know in black and white “What’s the most important trait
African men look for in the women they date
– especially African women?”
Here are those that made the top five:
1.Humility/Loyalty/Intellect: No doubt, Humility is an essential character trait to many African men. So,ladies, if you are looking to snag a good African man, no matter what the 21st century is telling you, these men are still seeking that humble streak in a woman.This is a part of our culture that will probably never change. It has kept the peace in many homes and provides a sound family structure. The bible even says that the man is the head of his household, no matter what.Every man wants a woman who respects him. Unlike the stereotyping, civilised african men are not afraid to hear a woman’s opinion, actually they respect a woman’s intelligence – a lot – and
are attracted to a woman who can hold her own in a conversation. What they are concerned with, is a woman who is brash and overstated. One who does not know when to quit and let sleeping dogs lie. Loyalty is another.
Apparently, the saying “stand by your man ” was not just sung in the 50’s and 60’s. It is expected in the year 2014 as well. Men want, and need to know, that their woman will be there for them, to
support them and care for them no matter the circumstances: whether rich or poor,educated or not.
2.Housekeeping Skills: As society changes, so do the dynamics in many relationships – out
with the old way of doing things and in with the new – but not when it comes to who’s responsible for keeping the home. Many African men still believe this is the primary responsibility of the woman in the house. They do understand the fact that women
today are increasingly working outside the home, but yet, many said they still want to come home to a home-cooked meal, a clean
home, and a loving and caring woman. Many say the right woman, for them, is one who
cooks and cleans, but yet, is modern in her way of thinking and the way she runs things. You need no rocket science to realize that civilised and exposed African men have no problem helping with household chores –many state they already do – the objection
repeating across the board is that they however don’t want to be told to do it, or that it’s their responsibility to help out. They help out as a way of expressing love and care to their wives. If however she were to come to home and say they are splitting the house chores 50-50,
now that … that they have a problem with that. I need not add more.
3. Bedroom Skills:
Waswahili husema mke mwema ni yule mzuri sana hadharani, hodari sana jikoni na…..malaya sana kitandani. Character and moral
behavior apparently will get you in the door and keep you there; your bedroom skills will be an added advantage. If you thought the
saying ‘lady in the streets and a freak in the bed’ was an American saying, you might want to think again.While African men are
exceedingly patient with their women when it comes to sex – because they understand that their sexual attitude is a direct result of the same culture and upbringing responsible for the way African men think and behave -many say they expect a woman to learn
quickly. Life can be really dull when a man finds himself with a woman unwilling to experiment
different things in the bedroom.
To serious men though a woman’s lack of sexual experience, or unwillingness to be flexible, is never enough cause, however, to
end a relationship as long as the woman possesses those other key qualities. Though you should know as a woman that such unwillingness is enough to put a damper on the relationship, and may sometimes cause the
man to seek thrills elsewhere. African men are looking for the whole package just as African women are also looking for the whole package, but sometimes compromises must be made.
Nothing turns a man off more than a woman who neglects her personal hygiene or her appearance. Unkempt hair, dull clothing, and neglected personal hygiene are just a few of
the things mentioned that will leave an African man turning on his heels faster than
an antelope. They appreciate a woman with a good fashion sense, but who is not materialistic in her approach to what she wears and how she looks. About makeup and other accessories that varies from man to man. The grounds of agreement though are you don’t have to wear 50kgs of makeup on you or a million piercings and jingling jewelry!! They immensely appreciate a woman in her natural splendor and beauty. The
sentiment “look good for your man, in and
out of the house,” holds to the grave. Make your appearance an asset.
5.Hardworking/Self-Sufficient: Nothing seems to turn men off quicker than a lazy woman who always seems to want something from them. She is whiny and needy and wants the finer things in life, but will not work for it. It
may have been cute back in the days when men needed to feel that a woman’s happiness and success depended on them
filling those emotional voids.
Today, that’s a lot of pressure to put on any one human-being. In simple terms, just like men everywhere, African men want to spend their lives with a woman who is self-sufficient in life.
They need to know that when they are not around someday, that she will be able to stand on her own two feet and take care of herself the children and the property.
The men have spoken, but are we ready to put aside out 21st century liberated minds long enough to listen? That remains to be seen. But, don’t worry ladies for there are still a few out there who state that none of the above really matters to them, as long as
the two of you have an understanding, fun and relative chemistry. The caveat on that is
that you probably won’t make it down the
aisle without these five qualities! Goodnight Africa.